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Friday
 · Look, we could sit here and pretend that it's possible to do something with your evening besides put on a robe, squiggle a lightning bolt down your forehead with a Sharpie, and line up at one of L.A.'s fine booksellers for the opportunity to buy Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince shortly after midnight. But we all know that's exactly what every single one of you will already be doing. We are all J.K. Rowling's bitches now.
Saturday
 · Even after we've momentarily lost our minds to Pottermania, we still dare to suggest a non-Rowling-related literary activity: 826LA (hey, where's our pirate/superhero shop, Eggers?) hosts a reading with the teen authors of Rhythm of the Chain: Young Writers Explore Teamwork. Garage bands, school buses, and refreshments figure prominently.
· Outfest screens Tammy Faye: Death Defying at the DGA. TAMMY FAYE WILL BE IN THE HIZZY. (We don't know what that means, we think we heard it on Cribs once.)
· It will cost you $35 to be lectured by an agent about "The Care and Feeding of the Screenplay" at the Writers Store (second item), but the opportunity to see that there are other people out there just as desperate as you is invaluable.
Sunday
 · A weekend without music? In a word: No f'ing way. Basement Jaxx at the Hollywood Bowl; Ben Harper at the Henry Fonda; Sufjan Stevens at the El Rey. [Oops, looks like Stevens is playing on Saturday. Adjust your social calendar accordingly.]
· It's not artsy genital torture, but it is called Cinema Enema. Good enough.