We confess to being confused and frankly a bit troubled when we saw this CNN.com headline this morning:

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What sort of person would release a study on milk threats, we wondered, especially over objections? Even worse, what sort of dastardly milk threats were being studied? Does a fundamentalist terrorist plan to fly milk in the Freedom Tower? Will we soon see a rash of suicide milkings in major American cities? (We've heard, after all, just how it easy would be to slip milk into the country at our woefully underprotected ports.) We live in a post-9/11 world, people, and America's safety requires eternal vigilence. Why even bother fixing those ports, or controlling loose nukes, or anything else, if we can't save the milk?

But, still, we couldn't figure out exactly what might happen to the milk. Then we paged past the City Life section in the News, and our worst fears were confirmed:

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Of course! The terrorists will play on our Achilles' heel: lactose intolerance! It will be horrible: Millions of people feeling ill, millions more forced to breathe through their mouths. Why oh why did Tom Ridge tell have us hording duct tape when we really should have been stockpiling Lactaid?

Stockpiling Lactaid, that is, or actually reading the articles.

Milk-Threat Study Issued Over Objections [CNN]
When Milk Is the Enemy [NYDN]