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Salon.com's second installment of its four-part series on Scientology turns to the pseudo-science of book reviewing, as the online magazine utilizes suppressive critic Laura Miller's spurious lit-tech to impugn the literary merits of the Church's sacred tome: (Note: you may have to watch an ad to read the review.)

The first thing you notice about "Dianetics" is that it is spectacularly dull. L. Ron Hubbard promises, in this seemingly endless treatise, that his "modern science of mental health" will cure everything from schizophrenia to arthritis, claims for which he presents no credible evidence whatsoever — unless you consider merely insisting that you've got evidence to be the same thing as offering it. But I am here to testify that "Dianetics" is a phenomenal remedy for at least one widespread affliction: insomnia.

The book's insomnia-curing properties shouldn't be dismissed as trivial. When Katie Holmes has some trouble drifting off after a couple of restless hours of excitedly wondering if Tom is planning to name their first two kids Ellie and Ron, or how great their wedding night consummation is going to be, a couple of pages of Dianetics always helps her get that restorative sleep she needs to be fresh for their next unconvincing photo op.

Elsewhere in Cruise: The very official-sounding (and very Scientology-backed) Citizens Commission on Human Rights—whom you may better know by the charming "Psychiatry Kills" banners flying over their Sunset Boulevard headquarters, featuring an image of a man being dramatically electroshocked—heartily endorses Cruise's views on the non-existence of chemical imbalances in the brain. Also: Illnesses Tom Cruise Can Cure and Other Things that Tom Cruise Knows More About Than You.