If you're not too distracted by the digitally enhanced cleavage of Washingtonienne, you might actually find some words in this week's Times Book Review. And those words, according to Intern Alexis, are good if only because they're biased. After the jump, Alexis' weekly round-up of books you'll never read but should pretend you have, in which Michael Cunningham gets gently bent over and Jessica Cutler gets treated as if she were a real writer.

Letters

Robert Lynch of Berkeley, CA points out that Neil Genzlinger s prejudices certainly colored his review of Holley Bishop s Robbing the Bees: A Biography of Honey - in his review, Ganzlinger mentions that he was once stung by a whole bunch of bees and chides Bishop for being "a bee apologist." Lynch goes on to suggest that Perhaps your reviewers should adopt the judicial custom of recusal when their objectivity might be called into question, so as not to short-change readers who think they are seeing book reviews in the Book Review. Yes, we agree, Genzlinger's bee prejudices are totally unacceptable. But, if all biased reviewer recused his or herself, well, let's just say that we'd have a very, very thin Book Review on our hands.


Specimen Days
 By Michael Cunningham
Reviewed by Terrence Rafferty

We don t think we ve ever read a nicer total slam of a book before. The first line of Terrence Rafferty s review of Michael Cunningham s new novel, Specimen Days, says it all: It s hard to think of an American writer less likely to emit a barbaric yawp than Michael Cunningham. It s like yikes, that s really mean, but kind of flattering at the same time. Like when someone says to you, wow, you look like a really hot man right now, and you re a girl. The review s final sentence is so unbelievably really mean/and a backhanded compliment at the same time. Specimen Days, according to Rafferty, in the sheer obstinacy in its wrongheadedness, [is] itself an almost suicidal act of courage. Wow. He might as well have just come out and told Cunningham that his new hair-cut is so nice because it makes his nose look less big.


The Washingtonienne
 By Jessica Cutler
Reviewed by Alexandra Jacobs

Says Alexandra Jacobs re: Jessica Culter's blog-turned-novel The Washingtonienne, The chicks that flock to the seat of the federal government are generally in search of career advancement, not Christian Louboutin-clad fun. So perhaps the beltway bunch should be grateful for this lewd, unpretentious valentine to their city. So, instead of wanting to shoot Jessica Cutler for transforming her slutty escapades into a lucrative book deal, the beltway bunch should want to thank Cutler for making them look better. Perhaps hidden behind those bowl hair-cuts, ugly, shoulder-padded pantsuits and Easy Spirit pumps, lies a Carrie Bradshaw-in-waiting, a Washingtonienne rather than a Washingtonilesbian. And thanks, Alexandra Jacobs, for condescending to point this out!


Essay: She d Be Great on TV
By Rachel Donadio

In today s publishing circus, according to Rachel Donadio, it s all about how marketable the author is. Is he/she a smokin babe, will he/she jam with Katie Couric and will he/she pose nude in Playboy (holla, Washingtonienne!). Donadio called up good ol Nicky Hornby for his take on the situation: The author tour is the closest I ve ever been to actually not living, Nick Hornby said, as he embarked on a nationwide blitz to promote A Long Way Down, his comic novel about four would-be suicides He says he s fortunate his earlier books had topics Fever Pitch was about soccer, High Fidelity about music and were made into movies, since this gives interviewers a hook into his work. Part of a long tradition of garnering publicity by complaining about it., Hornby discusses the distress and suffering that goes into marketing his book and at the same time, is marketing his book! Don t you see what s happening Rachel? Hornby s book is about a bunch of suicidal crazies and no one wants to write about it so he s using YOU, Rachel, to get written up in a NYTBR essay so he can sell more books! He s using and abusing you! PLUS, he s getting to plug his backlist (remember the soccer book, remember the John Cusack music movie book, when you go the store to buy the new one!). If publishing is a circus, the NYTBR is the center ring, Hornby s the elephant that can stand on its hind feet, and Donadio s the ringleader, trying to make the elephant twirl.