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Like spilling a hot cup of coffee in your lap just to find out if you can still feel anything, a run through the Monday morning box office numbers:

1. Batman Begins—$46.9 million
We'd love to say that our estimate of $75 million was supposed to include everything following the movie's Wednesday opening (over which period it did $71 million) to hide our massive miscalculation, but we've never been afraid to wake up on Monday morning, look in the mirror, and tell the horrifying, weekend-ravaged ghoul staring back at us that it's a total failure. Maybe we just got a little too excited after Mr. and Mrs. Smith did its $50 million last weekend, figuring that the revival of Batman would certainly be bigger. Ahem. Never underestimate the power of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's genitals. Lesson learned.

Oh, and don't think for a minute that we're not pinning at least some of the blame for the lackluster bow on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. If not for their unholy union, the movie might've done an opening weekend upwards of $300 million.

2. Mr. and Mrs. Smith—$27.3 million
Our position on the box office power of Brangelina's sexual reproductive organs has been made very, very clear, over and over again. Really, it's almost all we ever talk about. Avoid us at parties if you don't want to hear a detailed breakdown of this subject that's actually a vodka-fueled, laughably clumsy come-on.

3. Madagascar—$11.1 million
Good for you, DreamWorks Animation! Maybe the shareholders will see Madagascar's nice little run and ease up on the lawsuit.

4. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith—$9.7 million
Fun fact: ROTS has brought in $347.8 million at the domestic box office. Will it ever catch The Phantom Menace ($431 million)? Mmm...maybe not. This would make George Lucas sad if he hadn't uploaded all of his human emotions into a mainframe at Industrial Light & Magic, and then had that computer destroyed.

5. The Longest Yard—$8 million
Much more interesting is the bombing of Hilary Duff's The Perfect Man, which finished seventh with an anemic $5.5 million. To celebrate, rival Lindsay Lohan's going to skip five consecutive meals.