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You know what's really sad? Those fancy-pants National Magazine Awards. Sure, the awards were, like, two months ago, but from what we hear, the sting of being overlooked and thus empty-handed has been long lingering in the fey soul of New York magazine editor-in-chief Adam Moss.

Because nobody puts baby in a corner, Moss has to do something big — gargantuan! — to assuage his wounded ego. But what plan, you ask, will New York hatch in order to win wonderful little plaques and mantle-worthy trinkets? Why, a Mr. & Ms. New York contest! Ta-Da!

We hear that Moss' little beauty pageant has been rather hush-hush, to the point that he's been checking phone records to see which employees might be responsible for the leak. While he plays McCarthy, the New York staff has bunkered down and is in war mode, intently studying the Miss Subway and Miss Rheingold contests for inspiration.

Frankly, we think they're wasting their time. Everyone knows that Mr. and Ms. New York will always be the homeless Union Square wizard dude and the Olsen twins.