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Bad news, gang: Your fantasy vacation, the Battle For American Values cruise featuring Bill O'Reilly, has been destroyed. While the cruise will still set sail, Our Heavenly Father of Fox News will not be in attendance, nor will any of the scheduled speakers or events take place:

According to the Thomas More Law Center, the response was surprisingly poor. The organization ultimately renegotiated with Holland America Cruise Line in an attempt to pare down the expected guest list but maintain the event as scheduled. Sales continued to trickle in and finally, after two more negotiations with Holland America to reduce the group size, the event was finally scrapped.

To make matters worse, the ship's seminar entitled "How to Combat the ACLU" has also been cancelled. Be careful out there, as the Caribbean waters have never been more dangerous.

S.S. O'Reilly Sinks Before Leaving Port [Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly]