It's funny: For all the instances we joke about being too drunk or hungover to write, we only mean it, say, 30% of the time. If we were actually as wasted as we say we are, we certainly wouldn't be up at sunrise to write some blog. Today, however, is special: Intern Alexis got so shitfaced on Saturday night that this week's review of the New York Times Book Review is flecked with bile and verbal diarrhea. We're running it, if only so she learns her lesson about the dangers of keg stands. After the jump, Alexis does her best to control the spins.

Cooking
By Corby Kummer

We've noticed that members of GM often pull out punch lines and drop witticisms about being hung over and the fact that they re alcoholics as a defense mechanism of sorts as a way to safely not claim responsibility for what they ve just written, etc., or to prove to their readers that they re not dorky, stay-at-home losers, but rather cool, hard-partying types. Heck yeah we ve done it before, but OMG this here s the real deal. It s about 900 degrees in our apartment and we just threw up three times in a row. We re still drunk and we lost one of our contact lenses. Jealous? This is probably the only reason why we appreciated Corby Kummer s absurd opening of his summer cook book round-up because we realized that someone was feeling loopier than we do right now. The silly season brings plenty of cookbooks to match, but also some fine ones he starts off. He then goes on to write, For those not too lulled, or busy lolling, for a little learning, Grace Parisi points out unexpected culinary affinities in Get Saucy The rest of the piece is relatively un-loopy but it looks like YOU RE the silly season, Corby! And there s a little too much sauce in my system right now to bother to make fun of Corby Kummer s name.

Seasons In The Sun
By Leisl Schillinger

What? You mean, you don t regularly use the word summer as a verb? Quelle horreur. According to Leisl Schillinger, summer houses are the great American democratizer: just as each person has his own notion of the ideal wife, husband, lover and friend, everyone has a distinct image of the perfect summer place. Yes, we can t think of anything that is more universal than a country house. Except maybe Foie Gras or a subscription to the Paris Review. Being self-righteous is so much fun! Wheee!


A Literary Map of Manhattan
By Randy Cohen and Nigel Holmes

All smugness aside, we actually found this very sweet and well-done and hung it on our refrigerator! Then we puked again.


Aladdin and the Enchanted Lamp
Retold by Philip Pullman
Reviewed by Daniel Handler

Mr. Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket ) in his review of Philip Pullman s retelling of Aladdin and the Enchanted Lamp, gets a bit randy, writing that The shadow of Philip Pullman looms large in this part of the forest, not only because of his dark material but also because of His Dark Materials, a trilogy of fantasy novels that have garnered every literary laurel from the Whitbred Prize to the Soon-to-Be-a-Major-Motion Picture. Mr. Major Motion Picture himself goes on to write that Pullman s books have pleased everyone from the geekiest genre fans to the most high-minded academics except, perhaps, the more dogmatic among the clergy, but to be fair it seems those people don t please Pullman, either. Meow! Lemony Snicket gets a bit persnickety when he writes, Oh, and before I forget: Blessed be this newspaper! May every poor writer of reviews find a patron as generous and wise! Cheers, Lemony, cheers. From one reviewer to another, we couldn t agree more.