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Look, this is going to get a little disgusting, so if you've had a history of heart problems, you should probably scroll down to the next item.

OK, here goes...we can't even put it into complete sentences, but the horror, the horror...fractured, fleeting images from the making of a headline...a fedora... a joint compound bucket full of the featured lubricant...a keyboard...glistening, semiclothed internet personality (socks only, there, we said it)...slicked fingers sliding off the keys..."Billie Jean" playing in the background, Andseron Cooper on the tube...well-lubed internet personality slips off chair, tumbles to floor, skids across room...fingers back on keyboard...inspiration...finally, completion, publication. Headline born.

Don't worry, there's enough material left in the bucket for the verdict headline.

[*Don't miss our Tom Cruise photos on Drudge's front page!]