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The New York Press, publisher-less and possibly keeping a blind man prisoner in their basement (if Knipfel's not fired, where the hell is he?), demonstrates again this week the winning formula that's made them New York's favorite free alt-weekly besides the rest of them: unhinged rage at minor annoyances with a liberal dose of making shit up.

I pulled my bike up alongside the driver's- side window and hopped off. I asked the limo driver who he was honking for. He shrugged and began rolling up his window. I pressed down on the top edge of the glass. The power window's motor made a clunking noise. I leaned in and, at the top of my lungs bellowed, "Hoooonnnk! Honk honk honk!"
Enraged, the limo driver swatted at my face and yanked at his handle as I continued to honk at him. With all my weight braced against the door, he couldn't open it. Desperate to throttle me, he hurled himself against the door until, finally, I let it go. He burst out headlong but was surprisingly quick and wiry. As he came up at me, I got my hands on either side of his head, reared back and smashed him in the middle of the face with my forehead.

Also see Russ Smith careen wildly from topic (movie theaters are too cold!) to topic (c'mon, Yankees!) to topic ("God Bless America" — eat it, Frank Rich!), like a smug, liberal-baiting Larry King. Honk if you love reflexive contrarianism! -AP

Locked Horns [NYPress]
At the Movies [NYPress]