The Times Square Alliance Declares War On the Axis Of Pedestrians
Al Qaeda's not the only group trying to rid New York of a few excess pedestrians — the "Times Square Alliance" announced some great ideas yesterday to help ease congestion in the city's horrible, soulless center. Some of their suggestions, like expanding the sidewalks, seem quite reasonable. Here are some of the aspects of their plan to cut down on the number of slow-walking mouth-breathers clogging the 40's that we especially like:
-Asking weather-controlling Zionists to make it rainy, cold all summer
-Letting Christian Slater roam the streets
-Cutting off New York's cocaine supply
-Targeted Lynx-maulings
-Eugenics
-Construction of giant dome around neighborhood, keeping Broadway performers and audiences, naked cowboys, all manner of tourists, creepy Scientologists, ranting street preachers, and employees of Conde Nast, the New York Times, Reuters, and Ernst & Young permanently separated from the larger population. -AP
