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There are very few things in this godforsaken world that we love more than a national holiday, but they sure do fuck up our extremely rigid schedule. As such, this week's edition of the New York magazine's Look Book is a day late — but, considering the comic potential of Corcoran realtor Miriam Sirota, it's hardly a dollar short. Miriam lives in Bed-Stuy, sings Fiddler showtunes to her clients, and is unabashedly pro-pubes. After the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Choire Sicha, Molly Jong-Fast, and Maureen Miller for a panel discussion on the implications of platform espadrilles.

Choire Sicha, vaguely employed whore and Gawker alum

Miriam's platform espadrilles - ugly or awesome? discuss:

Well, I have this suspicion that Miriam is short, possibly very short, in that way that Jews with big hair and platform shoes so often are. (This is why that little tiny purse she's toting looks so immense.) So I can't begrudge her the platforms, although they certainly detract from the pleasurable possibility that her modified denim-on-denim look was an accident or oversight, not a hare-brained, pre-coffee fashion notion.

What is Miriam pointing to? A penthouse apartment? Is she doing the Tom Cruise?

I think Miriam is actually doing the modified high-femme pushy-Jewess taxi hail. I like it — it makes her look taller, for starters. But also it makes me so glad I'm on vacation from New York City, because I know Miriam is one of those chicks who'd jump out 35 feet in front of me and start innocently hailing MY TAXI CABS, at which point I'd scream (as I inevitably do), HEY, I'M RIGHT HERE, HELLO? And Miriam and her ilk always look at me like I'm some raving unshaven piece of East Village trash and keep right on hailing. Miriam is killing me, and killing my will to live in Manhattan.

Miriam thinks Bed-Stuy is beautiful but what does Bed-Stuy think of Miriam?

Bed-Stuy is thinking that Miriam has no ass. Also, they are thinking, "Is that white chick working extensions?" And if they knew she worked for Corcoran, she might get shot. She might as well work for the FBI!

Would you let Miriam sell you a house?

On the matter of Miriam, overall, and regarding our new relationship as buyer and broker, I am torn. I like her class-consciousness, slightly warped as it is, and I like her willingness to use the word "gyno" in a venue where she'll be made fun of all over town. I mean, I like her! She is frothy, she is not obsessed with destroying her body hair, and she's cheap. These are all qualities I look for in both a woman and a broker. That being said, she bursts into show tunes while selling houses. This is a cunning feat of misdirection. "Look, this house makes me want to sing! Do not notice that it is "Gowanus-adjacent!" Which means that a little bit of my beloved Miriam is evil.


Molly Jong-Fast, author of The Sex Doctors in the Basement and Normal Girl

Miriam's platform espadrilles - ugly or awesome? discuss:

Awesome, but you know what s not awesome? Old people having sex. That s just wrong. Speaking as an octogenarian sex expert (let s just say it's a familial hazard and leave it at that), there is nothing funny about old people having sex. Usually KY jelly and a pastrami sandwich are involved, and that s not pretty for anyone. So I would say no more octogenarian sex, even with masses of ungroomed pubic hair, yum.

What is Miriam pointing to? A penthouse apartment? Is she doing the Tom Cruise?

Sadly, Miriam is pointing to her stacks of Amex bills from her expensive Sally Hershberger extensions habit. Old people, by the way, can t understand paying two grand for hair extensions, but then again if old people got Brazilians, that would not be pretty for anyone gynecologists included.

Miriam thinks Bed-Stuy is beautiful but what does Bed-Stuy think of Miriam?

Bed-Stuy has the word BED in it. The BED is a place where octogenarians have sex. That upsets me. My shrink is at a conference in Toronto. Even my gynecologist is at a conference, though not in Toronto, and not with my shrink at least I hope not with my shrink. Does anyone have the number of someone good? Preferably someone who takes GHI or Blue Cross.

Would you let Miriam sell you a house?

I would let Miriam do brain surgery on me and my beloved spaniel Godzuki and I would let her do us both at the same time. Come to think of it, I would let Miriam replace my brain with my dog s brain, but she d have to wear sterile gloves, as unfashionable as she probably thinks they are. Maybe Prada makes a surgical glove. Oh, I hope so.

Maureen Miller, intern for the Chris Matthews Show

Miriam's platform espadrilles - ugly or awesome? discuss:

Ugly - espadrilles are for ladies who lunch and faux-WASP sorostitutes. Is she self-hating? But oy, what a metziah!

What is Miriam pointing to? A penthouse apartment? Is she doing the Tom Cruise?

It's more of a Babe Ruth move, so clearly Yankee Stadium. In her heart, she's straight Crooklyn, but she's thinking she should keep one eye on the redevelopment in the SoBro, with her pulse on what all the young gals are doing these days. But it's "very difficult to talk about" right now.

Miriam thinks Bed-Stuy is beautiful but what does Bed-Stuy think of Miriam?

Practically perfect in every way. When Miriam plunges into the depths of that bottomless bag, she's the Mary Poppins of Marion Street. All she needs for an extra element of fun in there is a Glock or some "magic bags" of an entirely different sort and - SNAP - her cracker ass is gone. Indubitably.

Would you let Miriam sell you a house?

No, but I'd lease me a pair of them cataract glasses - sexy grandma!