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It took us nearly five hours of non-stop, professional grade web-surfing (read: a reader submitted it) to finally find post material that has absolutely, positively no connection to Tom Cruise, but ask and Craigslist shall provide:

Needed: Actress (23-30) as a Cover-up Date for a Homosexual Celebrity
 I am the personal assistant to a major celebrity. He is gay and needs an attractive woman to pose as his girlfriend and accompany him to movie premieres, Hollywood parties, etc. Must be an actress, well spoken, educated and extremely gorgeous. Someone who is multi-lingual is a bonus as there will be considerable travel, especially to Europe. We will require a confidentiality agreement to be signed and notarized, as you can imagine the media would love to pounce on this story.

Think of this as an acting job where your goal is to make everyone belive that the two of you are in love. The compensation will be generous, I assure you and the connections you will make will most likely make your career, if you truly are a "great" actress. We require a resume and at least one current photo, preferably a full-body photo (as we are looking for someone with a great figure to make him look good) and a headshot. This is an amazing opportunity for a struggling actress!!

Wasn't this anonymously posted, obviously authentic job listing a welcome oasis from all of the nonstop Cruise coverage (to which it's completely unrelated)? We're so refreshed that we made need five minutes of vigorous sofa-stomping to regain our focus.

Other Craiglist fun: Hollywood exports its horny actors to unsuspecting cities, and a classy gent claims that he's engaged in acts of sexual congress with professional bimbot Jillian Barberie (complete with inconclusive photograph and casually racist commentary).