Duane Reade Owns You
New York Magazine takes an unflinching look into the seedy world of drug stores this week, asking the questions that no one else dare: Why are there so damn many Duane Reades in New York?
The answer: Because you people keep buying crap from them!
Clearly the owners and operators don't think much of you, the consumer. According to Duane Reade sales information, New Yorkers have bad feet, eat anything with the words "rice" or "soy" in the name, don't mind having their asses molested while shopping (unless it's by Christian Slater, of course), and are sinful and degenerate:
When New Yorkers make their way to the pharmacy counter, their selections are heavy on sex and therapy and ambivalent about kids. The top-selling sedative, ranked nineteenth nationally, is one of the top five drugs sold at Duane Reade. Also popular here is Viagra, and a couple of anti-AIDS drugs are in the top twenty. But what New Yorkers really specialize in is birth control: Three contraceptives rank in the top 25 of Duane Reade sellers, while no contraceptive breaks the top 50 nationally. There is no birth-control pill that s No. 1 in any market except here, Cuti explains. It s the nature of the city. It s where the action is.
Of course, those Viagra sales will soon be plummeting, and most of the sedatives were just being used to keep their underpaid employees docile. But thanks anyway, Duane Reade, for keeping us sedated, childless, and perpetually aroused.
Next week, New York shows off some more of their investigative journalism chops with their "boy, there sure are a lot of Starbucks" series (part 1 of 10). -AP
