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Today, we forget the sacrifice of heroes. It's time to move forward, dear readers, and resume your back-breaking efforts at making a living — you've got 6000 buttons to sew by 10 AM! Because we know you're short on time, here's a brief rundown of what happened in the "rest of the world," while you spent your three-day weekend swimming in mimosas:

· Frank Rich declares Ground Zero as "so totally over." Yeah, that's right — move the fuck on. [NYT]
· Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may have gotten married in Florida this weekend, or we may just be talking out of our asses. [Liquid Generation]
· Page Six announces that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are engaged; some lonesome Dawson's fan plans a hit on Holmes' agent. [Page Six]
· Our favorite medium Ben Widdicombe flashes his gay psychic card and interviews Vickie Sue Robinson, who died five years ago. [Gatecrasher via Mussel Juice]
· You probably had your heart broken. [PR Web]
· Someone finally heeds to the pleas of the Emile Hirsch fan club and their magnificent email campaign to pay attention to the young actor. [NYT]
· Condoms create a heartwarming, ecological wonder. [Unknown Country]