This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.


We'd never, ever call ourselves journalists, but a little investigative reporting* and some reader support has revealed the identity of Mary-Kate's personal leviathan. As confirmed by the above photos and a little handiwork on our TI-84 (formula shown above), the littlest Olsen's largest lover is indeed Stavros Niarchos III — or Stav, as his kitesurfing friends (don't ask) call him.

*By investigative reporting, we clearly mean the removal of our heads from our asses.