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Gannett Co., your source for information that occasionally bears a passing resemblance to "news," has appointed the head of its TV division to run the whole company. Craig Dubow's the name of the guy now in charge of one of the few companies that conveniently features a map of their world domination progress right on the corporate web site. What does this mean for USA Today and the newspaper biz as a whole? I have no clue, but I'm guessing it involves the word "digital," and possibly "revolutionary." What I do know (or rather, am about to make up) is that Mr. Dubow, brimming with brilliant ideas from a career running local tv stations, has some edgy plans for digitally revolutionizing the way we skim "news"papers. Here are a couple changes I expect to see coming soon to a graphics-heavy daily near you:

-Al Neuharth will Taser himself for a column. Inexplicably, it's a column about Social Security.

-Reporters will be required to end news stories by "bantering" with the author of the next article:

...States borrowed record amounts in recent years to balance their budgets. And if my last Visa bill's any indication, I could take a little advice from them, right Anita?
Flu pandemic warnings escalate
 By Anita Manning, USA TODAY
You sure could, Dennis. Growing concern over a persistent epidemic of bird flu across Asia...

-Lastly, everyone will be fired. -AP

TV Division Chief Appointed to Head Gannett [WaPo]