Team Party Crash: Hamptons Magazine Party
Working class hero, Hamptons publisher Jason Binn.
So what are you doing for Memorial Day weekend? STD check-up? Making internet porn? Going out of town? We can assure you Gawker Special Correspondent K. Eric Walters is doing all of the above. But before he left the city early, we sent him and photographer Nikola Tamindzic to the Hamptons Magazine seasonal launch party. After the jump, more class than you can shake a stick at, all courtesy Mr. Jason Binn and his band of glossy thieves.
"I swear, it's a three bedroom rental."
A few questions for you, pal. Are you 33? Is the average value of your primary residence $2.6 million? Do you spend over $25,000 a year on clothes? If you answered yes to these questions, then you are rich enough to keep reading. You are in the privileged demographic for Hamptons Magazine. So why weren't you at the seasonal launch party at the BLVD last night to kick off the magazines' 16 week summer run?
Because you are not a total idiot. You knew the party would be filled with commoners. After all, you are a savvy consumer who reads Hamptons Magazine.
The Queen of Long Island. You guess which neighborhood.
You mean Hamptons is a place? I thought it was only a magazine...
The sloshed crowd at 199 Bowery certainly didn t own their summer abodes; the mix was a dash of Eurotrash, a sprinkle of the non-Hamptons part of Long Island (quelle horreur!), and every third person was a publicist. In the dozen or so interviews I conducted, most only had plans to go the Hamptons "with friends," or were "renting" or "sharing." No one would confess to sleeping on the floor, but you know damn well how those weekend shares go.
"Who made your camera? It's not Versace? Get the hell away from me."
Leslie-Kirby Caldwell, head of Leslie Kirby Caldwell Public Relations. FYI, he's going to the Hamptons this weekend.
There were no famous people — unless Steve Florio counts as famous. Not sure these days. The socialites were out in abundance, but I don't think they knew where they were.
Stephen Bender, PR dude. It's his party and he'll cry if he wants to. We suspect he does.
In 1992, the yearbook committee voted her Most Likely To Be A Publicist!
She will seduce you with her eyes and, if that doesn't work, she'll drink herself to death.
Vince reads Hamptons, which he wants you to know just by looking at him.
Vince Cammarata is 30. Vince has a subscription to Gotham, Hamptons, and LA Confidential. Vince plopped down $24,000 to get a place in Southampton for the summer. Vince is in real estate. Vince reads these magazines to find out "what's going on." Vince likes macaroni and gravy.
Cato Saelid with one of his very powerful friends, many of whom can "take care" of that annoying neighbor of yours.
Then there's Cato Saelid. He is a venture capitalist. He is Norwegian. He is also under the impression that I'm interviewing him for Binn's magazine. Cato is mistaken. Does he own a place in the Hamptons? "Not yet," he says. "I'm looking into it next week. I've been in your magazine before." It's not our magazine, Cato. How much are you willing to spend on a place? "5 to 10 million." I'm told by a drunk girl that his friends call him the "International Man of Mystery." Apparently "Royal Norwegian of Fiddle-Faddle" was already taken.
By the way, 4/6 readers of Hamptons Magazine drive an Aston Martin, Ferrari, Hummer or some other luxury vehicle. Of those readers, at least half know that 4/6 equals 2/3.
"Sure, I'm working in the kitchen for now, but by July I'll get into the Star Room. I can just feel it in my bones."
This woman just found out that her conversation partner makes less than $500K a year.
The optimist in us hopes that this woman is the one person in the room who feels like we do. But it's unlikely.
"I love zee girls!"
Yes, these are different girls than in the above picture. Yes, this man will be in the Hamptons.
We will go the Hamptons, where we shall coyly suck upon our cigarettes. And you?
Anyway. I approached Mr. Jason Binn, currently the publisher of 6 Niche Media LLC titles. I identified myself as a reporter for Gawker. Gawker, he repeated, playfully pretending to strangle me. I posed the question to Mr. Binn: Who actually reads your magazine? People who go the Hamptons, or people who want to be going to Hamptons? "Hamptons Magazine is for the people who go to the Hamptons, and and for people who enjoy seeing what's going on out there." Intriguing. He left me to find his wife at the bar. I was left to wonder how much my primary residence was really worth.
"God, Debbie, it doesn't matter where the fuck we are. Just smile, this might be for WireImage."
And now, the stars of Solar Salon's Summer 2005 campaign...
Oh, hahahaha! HA HA HA! Har har! Ha! Ha ha!
Eventually, I will fulfill my dreams and sleep my way to the Hamptons. The End.
