Street Value of Today's OpEd Page: ~$5.50
Sure, it's easy to say "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this conventional wisdom" when the Times offers up their back bench, as they did yesterday. But today we've got a Pundit Phenom, he of the dapper mustache and the mixed metaphor, Thomas "$4.10" Friedman, a flat-Earther who likes his love like he likes his trade: free. Unfortunately for betting fans, a meaningful rating system for today's page is impossible with Dowd on the DL and unranked Matt Miller pinch-opining. If you want my opinion, Slate readers'll be cracking open their checkbooks by the time they finish their coffee this morning — everyone is so darn reasonable over on the OpEd page today. Trying to sweeten the deal with completely unobjectionable arguments, perhaps?
Friedman sez: When you think altruistic, egalitarian utilitarianism, the first thing you think of is the heads of major corporations. Right? So why aren't robber barons acting like classical liberals? I suspect this may have something to do with the shape of the Earth. If you don't heed my warning, you children will be sold as white slaves to Indochinese Venture Capitalists!
What does it mean? What'll it do for his rankings? Find out after the jump.
Friedman comes up to the plate with some inspired reaffirmations of the liberal readership's preconceived opinions — we should spend more on education and the environment! Then he goes a little astray by seeming to think that there was ever a time in American history in which C.E.O.s cared about these things. But it's a well-timed feint to the wealthy and self-satisfied, and I think he's earned his $4.10 today. Better than usual showing from Tom, in fact.
Miller sez: Boy, my wife, man. It must be hard being a woman; raising my child, wasting your ability. Rich people with children are unfairly castigated by barren, less socially worthwhile people, you know. What we need are unions for executive parents. As for me, I'm going to phone in a column — it's like a sit-in, see?
You know, MoDo cannot get back in the game soon enough for the Times. This is muddled, confusing, and extremely similar to yesterday's Tierney debacle. Dowd would've layered this with "Desperate Housewives" references, thrown in an ad hominem attack on Bush, and deployed the obvious Henny Youngman lines where necessary. She's a real professional, and the page needs her back. Still, it's just moderate-left enough to beat the spread, and I'd put Miller ahead of Brooks in the rankings, at somewhere around $1.40. -AP
