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In a nod to a former life, in which we'd anxiously sit in front of the TV each Thursday night in our Trump Underoos and wonder how much force we'd need to exert in our lovemaking to muss the hair-helmet of henchwoman Carolyn Kepcher, we note that last night marked the coronation of the third Apprentice. And, finally, The Donald's glass ceiling is shattered, as contestant Kendra (even though we spent the evening with her, we had to look up the name this morning—in similar situations, we usually we just ask English to rifle through her purse while we try to hunt up the cab fare) will be assimilated into the Trump Organization. Was this a surprise? No, not really. Once Marissa Cooper stumbled in and shot aging cosmetics-slinger Tana to prevent her from beating Chino to death with a princess phone, much of the suspense was dissipated.

What "dream job of a lifetime" awaits young Kendra? The comely go-getter opted to spearhead the renovation of a 68,000 square foot mansion in Palm Beach, where Trump himself will immediately take up residence, supervising his new protege's work in nothing but a silk kimono, and occasionally requesting that the winner liberally apply cocoa butter to his exposed naughty bits. The summer sun in Florida is hell on The 'Lil Donald.