Sometimes (well, actually, all the time) we read the Huffington Post and, after about three sentences from Dannielle Crittendon or, worse, Harry Shearer, our eyes glaze over and we begin humming and rocking back and forth and then everything goes gray and we wake up wrapped in clean, white sheets. Oh, you too? Glad it's not just us. Thankfully, our favoritest HuffPoster Greg Gutfeld has done us all a favor:

ONE SENTENCE HUFF BLOG TRANSLATOR

Al Franken: "I get invited to important events and know important people. I secretly think no one likes me."
Norman Mailer: "I'm still relevant. Christ where am I? Do I smell gas?"
Larry Gelbart: "Where the hell did she put my 'Best Book of Puns?'"
Dannielle Crittendon: "I m going to get a screenplay out of this if it kills me. I need a new kitchen."
Bill Maher: "Blogs are great because chicks don t know how short I am."
Christie Hefner: "Just talk about freedom of expression, and people will forget I m a pornographer."
Laurie David: "Writing about environmental issues makes me feel less guilty about my immense wealth. I drive a tiny car."
Robert F Kennedy, Jr: Please God don t write anything stupid. Do hot chicks blog?
Harry Shearer: "This sure beats trying to be interesting."

One Sentence Huff Blog Translator [HuffPo]