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Because UPN banged its silverware and screeched until someone let it sit at the big people's table at the upfronts, we're going to play along and pretend that anyone will tune in for programming that doesn't involve anorexic mannequins fainting dead away from an icy stare cast across the vast expanse of Tyra Banks' forehead. To wit, the network cutely thinks that Chris Rock's new sitcom is going to finally deliver the netlet to the Promised Land:

Actually, UPN is touting Rock's show like the second coming (or maybe it's the third now, we haven't been following "Revelations"). "It's hard to grasp the importance of this night and the bold step we're about to take," said UPN President Dawn Ostroff, saying the show could do for UPN what "The Cosby Show" did for NBC.

No pressure, Chris. A Viacom-owned network is tying its fortunes to your show, setting up unrealistic expectations and comparisons to a legendary comic...and you're just doing some voiceover. Should we have someone check to see if Dave Chappelle can get bunk beds in his room in the South African "chill out" hospital, or do you prefer a single? Better get out of town before you disappoint corporate overlord Les Moonves and he has your family eaten by hungry Top Models.

Also notable and adorable: UPN's press release touts this scheduling move as "bold."