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We really DON'T want to write the following item but, the fact is, Paris Hilton is a fucking retard. There. We said it. No offense, of course, to the developmentally disabled, who are far more informed/capable/clean than Hilton.

After last year's campaign to make the world take Paris seriously as a businesswoman, her PR team has sold the same story again (CNN was cheerily pushing Paris The Mogul one morning this week). How much more of this can we take? Test your tolerance for pain:

AP: Do you read blogs?

Hilton: What's that?

AP: Um, they're these things on the Internet where people write about news and stuff.

Hilton: No, I don't really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don't like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don't know anything about.

You can rest assured that Paris lives by her words, HAVING "LOST" HER GODDAMNED LAPTOP. Wow, that reminds us, we should go check out her new film, House of Wax.

Paris Hilton's Personal Information Lost [AHN]
Paris Hilton Yearning For A Simpler Life [AP]