Are your pants not just completely soaked with anticipation over Primetime Live's infinitely hyped exposé on American Idol? If you've spent a mere 30 seconds in front of ABC, you've no doubt had the pleasure of being titillated by promos for their upcoming story on the Fox show's big, secret scandal, which happens to be the biggest, most scandalous, most secretest gossip in the history of the world.

So what the hell is this scandalicious secret? Surely it must be something huge: Did judge Paula Abdul make sweet, sweet love to Simon Cowell? Did Justin Guarini and Clay Aiken attentively watch on while draping each other in pearl necklaces?

Probs not. Judging from a similar Dateline piece, it's just some he said/she said crap, and Paula's back hurts. And that sound you hear is Diane Sawyer, maniacally cackling.

'Idol' Rumors About Paula Abdul? [MSNBC]