Team Party Crash: Air Tahiti Nui Launch

Party like a gay Tahitian

We would have gone to last night's party celebrating Air Tahiti Nui s first direct flight service between NYC and French Polynesia. But we didn't want to. So we sent Gawker Special Correspondent K. Eric Walters* and shutterstud Nikola Tamindzic. After the jump, rented models, mildly racist party themes, and what Fabian Basabe really thinks of us.
—NH

How do you get folks to come to party so incredibly lame it barely deserves a press release, much less a story? You hire Nadine Johnson s PR firm to get it plugged on Page 6. But what if the event is so fucking lame like a party for the first nonstop flight from JFK to Tahiti that nobody worth mentioning will even show? You write up a fake guest list on the press release to trick others into turning up.** And, to make sure they stay, you stock the room with nubile flesh from Paris, New York, and Papeete.

Papeete, my friend, is the capital of French Polynesia.

Nadine, of Nadine Johnson Inc.

"Welcome to Club Med, I mean Hiro."

It s not the only thing I learned about la Polynesie Francaise in the ballroom at hipper-than-thou Hiro, done up to look like a Sands resort. I learned that 200 Tahitians had gotten off a plane the day before to entertain us. I learned 16 of them were part of a contest sponsored by the Paris-based Marilyn modeling agency, plucked from their native soil and coerced by the chance for fame to shed their clothes. I learned that Nadine Johnson had guaranteed access to dozens of nameless models to bring to any party with an open bar. I also learned I can t speak French worth a damn.

Unknown Model #1

Less unknown model #2

"If you know my name, feel free to tell me."

As this gong show of an evening wore on, a handful of alleged luminaries filled me in. Former Miss Tahiti and current Miss France Mareva Georges said that since the French nuclear tests were shut in 1996 Tahiti had been struggling to replace the GDP loss in defense dollars, and it was hoping its black pearl and tourism industry would be its savior. The president of Air Tahiti Nui, Nelson Levy, explained how his flights would revolutionize the South Pacific because there would no longer be a four-hour layover in Los Angeles. The newly elected president of French Polynesia, Oscar Temaru, leeringly told the audience that the beautiful hostesses from Tahiti would keep tourists coming. It seemed like a pitch for a sex tourist racket to me. ***

Yes Ms. Georges, your country has some very nice scenery."

"I went to Tahiti and I all got was this lousy wife."

The hostesses, shipped in overnight.

The Tahitians performed native rituals on stage for what was mostly a crowd of uptown types and business travelers babbling in French. A suspicious fellow with a shaggy beard let me in on a secret. These models here, they ve been rented. That s why there s so many. Most are from Bulgaria. From the East. Is that actually true? What do you care? You ve never heard of it? You just call them up, you say you re having party, here they are. You re the reporter. Go talk to them, you ll see.

On the runway...by choice?

Sold to the man in the Bermuda shorts!

Three girls who spoke leetle English seemed to be the only ones willing to answer my questions. Leilana, Heivai, and Vanessa, no last names given. First time in New York? Yes, said Leilana. Are you allowed out? No have we been busy performing. Once on the plane we have performed and at another fashion show, said Heivai. Do you have a chaperon? Yes his name is Alberto, said Vanessa. At that moment, Alberto popped up and gave Vanessa a back massage. Quite a chaperon.

This is how pimps in French Polynesia dress.

Rolling Tahiti style. (And yes, that's Tiffany Limos on the left.)

Francoise Nars(right) won't leave before he gets his air miles.

I had seen enough, and started to make my way to the door. One of Nadine Johnson s sexed-up publicist dolls stopped me. She pointed to a strikingly hot fellow who was none other than Fabian Basabe, contributor to Gotham Magazine and the most legit name I d come across all night.[Ed-That says something.] I ve never met anyone from Gawker before, he said. I really love your site. Sometimes you write funny stuff, sometimes you write Fabian was with his wife, Martina. What was he up to? I ve been in Oklahoma for the past couple weeks working on a TV series. It s called Model Behavior. They wanted to get some fish out of water type experiences. Hunh. I hear French Polynesia is nice this time of year. Non-stop flights start July 4th.

*Fake name, so far no pink slip
**The no-show guest list included: Helena Christensen, Chris Kattan, Sophie Dahl, Prince Dimitri of Yugoslavia, Anthony Haden-Guest,Timothy Greenfield-Sanders and some of these people might have even turned up but who fucking knows what they look like anyhow what the fuck was chris kattan doing...
***This is meant in gest. But FYI, it might work. According The CIA World Factbook, there s no HIV on the Islands.