Last night on Topic A, T-Bro sat down with writer-of-historical-things, Thomas Cahill, The Interpreter director Sydney Pollack (Our interpretation? It sucked hard.), and Elizabeth Hurley, former model and box office terrorist, who now has a swimsuit line. After the jump, Tina discusses Michael Jackson, Pope Benedict XVI, and tells her usual jokes that are rewarded with the sound of that Def Leppard drummer clapping. Henry the Intern reports...
—NH

"Topic A" —with updated graphics— channeled Nancy Grace last night by
inviting a panel of parasites covering the Michael Jackson trial to
opine on the latest courtroom developments. Tina's introduction
provided the context: "What's going on inside the crazy trial that no
one seems to care about?"

Before breaching Neverland, Tina churned out three segments. First up, an intellectual conversation about the new pope with biographer Thomas Cahill. Cahill told Tina that "the best way" for the pope to attract new believers "would be to reverse many of his positions," but, he added, the new pope "is not someone who really loves personal confrontation, so he may come down on this [staunch conservative] stuff."

Next, Sydney Pollack, director of "The Interpreter," marveled at the United Nations —"this awesome place that made [historical] noise"— and revealed that Nicole Kidman felt "completely protected" by Sean Penn.

Tina's chat with Elizabeth Hurley was a gift for sticking through the first half-hour. Tina, with unusually flat-hair, welcomed the model-actress-entrepreneur with a warm compliment: "You look so wonderful." Hurley explained that she developed her new line of swim-wear because "I too don't relish the idea of running around in a bikini anymore," but "all the other cover-ups make you look fat." She's triumphed to find success in this sad predicament: "It's my company... I've really done everything myself... I picked the factories myself... I am in the warehouse tagging at 2 a.m." Seperately, Tina revisited Hurley's high times and low point with Hugh Grant. Hurley's response: "I think a lot of time slips through your fingers and some times... it takes a jolt... for you to realize what really matters."

Tina on Bob Kerrey's no-maybe-no bid for mayor of New York: "I guess he's got one thing in common with the other Kerry: flip-flopping."

And finally, the editor's desk roundtable on Michael Jackson. Because we just couldn't have a week without him, could we? Fox News columnist Roger Friedman predicted a hung jury because "a lot of them have tuned out a long time ago." He suggested there are stronger cases against him that are not being tried. Westchester District Attorney Jeanine Pirro consistently defended the accuser's family and Court TV's Lisa Bloom asked, "Who amongst us can say we never told a lie?" Criminal defense attorney Edward Sapone predicted an acquittal: "My one wish would be that people in this country are not prosecuted for being weird." Friedman also called the accuser's mother "a real hustler" and foresees major financial trouble for Jackson.

Tina has her own theory: "It's not Michael Jackson in the courtroom anyway... he's on an island owned by Marlon Brando."

Hot picks
Sapone: In the Company of Liars by David Ellis
Bloom: The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. Tina: "I know it's incredible."
Pirro: "Shock'N Y'All" by Toby Keith
Friedman: My Life So Far by Jane Fonda
Tina: "Kingdom of Heaven" — "terrific... gripping... visually great."

Closing quote by Richard Nixon: "I would have made a good Pope."