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The THR reports that Endeavor has been delivered a little bundle of tabloid-swaddled joy, as Paris Hilton has signed with the the agency to handle all aspects of her...what exactly does she "do," outside of, you know, the night-vision doggystyling and the VIP room vagina-flashing? Perhaps that's why she needs the agency—to focus and assist the more efficient monetizing her assets. In any case, a word of advice to her new shop: When you're fucking Paris, you're fucking every agent she's ever been with. Be safe.

Oh, how can we be so cynical when The Agent Dance Official Mascot Ari Emanuel is positively radiating with joy at his agency's big get? We're beaming now, too!