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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let the world know that you would fuck Denzel Washington if the proper situation presented itself.

In today's typically jam-packed episode: Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Jessica Capshaw, and Chris O'Donnell; Al Pacino, Denise Richards, Jamie Kennedy, and Topher Grace; Denzel Washington; Chloë Sevigny and Jack Black; Jake Gyllenhaal; Matthew Perry, Tori Spelling, and Simon Rex; Michael Keaton, Julie Andrews, and some guy named Tony Guma; Vincent Gallo and Jessica Simpson; James Spader; Patricia Clarkson; Larry King; Joni Mitchell; Jason Bateman; Hilary Duff; Wilmer Valderrama; Eva Longoria, JC Chasez, Gene Simmons, Shamar Moore, and Jessica Simpson; Mischa Barton and Brandon Davis;
Peter Gallagher, Christopher Knight, Adrienne Curry, and Bachelor Bob; Udo Kier; Idol's Constantine Maroulis; Pink; Richard Simmons; Joey MacIntrye; The Bachelor's Sarah W.

· Was at Capo on Ocean Blvd. in Santa Monica when a table for seven was arranged in the corner. The first five arrived - all super-trendy, well-coifed late-20's/early-30's types, one of whom seemed familiar. It all came together when the final couple - Steven Spielberg (in a suit, no tie) and Kate Capshaw (looking rather stunning in a simple, yet strapless black dress and matching scarf) - came in. Jessica Capshaw, with long curly blonde hair, looked a lot better (better=hotter/sexier) than the semi-chunky chick seen in "Valentine" and elsewhere and sat next to step-dad Steven, chatting the night away. Checked IMDB for the obvious b-days (Steven, Kate, Jessica - no April birthdays there) so I suppose it's just a regular family night out with the Spielbergs at a restaurant where wine can go upwards of $1600 a bottle.

Seated directly next to them at a table-for-two was Chris O'Donnell and his wife Caroline, an actor who has conspicuously not worked for Spielberg, one of the few actors of his generation that can say that. Wearing a conservative blue sweater vest that looked straight out of the "School Ties" (that seemed to hide the fact that he wasn't really all that "lithe" anymore - think Ray Park post-"X-Men") a deep tan and his curly hair a little longer than usual in the front, O'Donnell didn't appear to crack a smile the entire evening and neither did Caroline. Though O'Donnell's appearance seemed to go little noticed, when the union-locked, American equivalent to Senor Spielbergo walked in, every waiter in the place couldn't stop turning and looking. Even though Capo's windows are covered almost all the way with blinds, there was still enough room at the bottom of one for two recent diners to sneak looks back in and smile like, "It really IS him!"

· My girlfriend and I just moved out to LA and it is a little surreal with all these actors around. First, we took Al Pacino's parking spot in front of the Target on Santa Monica and I almost blocked him in. The white minivan at the meter had its lights on and I pulled up to ask if they were leaving and there was Al and some younger guy driving the car. He was nice enough to wave. We later saw Denise Richards with her new lovaaa at the Urth Cafe in Beverly Hills on Beverly Dr. They came out "Oh So Glamorous" with the black limo and the driver. Held hands and canoodled as they ordered. We had a strange occurrence with Jamie Kennedy. We were walking to the car from Griddle Cafe and spotted him in the street, walking the opposite way. We all looked at each other and stared as we realized who the guy was, he was doing double takes. He walked passed us and as I turned around to look at him, he turned around twice and did a scary, shocked, stare. Very strange. We saw Topher Grace walking out of Barefoot on 3rd. He was with some family and being so cute. Giving hugs and saying goodbye and checking us out to see if we would freak out when we recognized him but we were oh so cool. Very cute.

· Chris Rock is right. As soon as women see Denzel Washington, they start taking their clothes off and saying "I'm gonna F*** him!" Had I not been in my car in front of the Bonaventure Hotel downtown and had he not been in a brand new Jaguar with no plates and with what looked like could be his wife, I would have been dropping trou and running towards him. Next, time Denzel....next time.

Saw Chloë Sevigny and Jack Black (not together) at the Dinosaur Jr. show at Spaceland on Saturday night. (They fucking rocked by the way). They seemed annoyed to be recognized and spoken to while they were making their way through the crowd. To be fair it was ridiculously hot in there and superpacked.

· Sunday, 6 p.m., upper Runyon Canyon, saw a toothy (and built) Jake Gyllenhaal jogging with his dog (but no jogging partner, male or female)...but not so sure the shaved head look is all that sexy.

· Was at the Paper Magazine/Jaguar party poolside at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Friday (4/15) and the celeb machine was in full effect. Tori Spelling was there, looking rail-thin and clinging to her husband like a lifeline. I'm sure she was just there to party. The fact that she has a new sitcom coming out this season couldn't
have anything to do with her increasingly-common public appearances, could it? Matthew Perry was also there, looking as happy and healthy as I imagine anyone worth over $100 million does. Highlight of the evening was clearly when Matthew noticed that definite C-lister Simon Rex was standing in close proximity to him, so Matthew did what any self-respecting A-lister would do...he walked over to the other side of the pool! Hilarious!

· This morning, I hit the PrivacyWatch trifecta. First, Batman himself — the real Batman — Michael Keaton, at Peet's Coffee on San Vicente in Brentwood. Sitting outside, facing the street. I'd suggest that he was trying to get recognized, except for the fact that it wasn't until I walked right past him that I realized it was the Caped Crusader, sitting there sipping his coffee and reading a newspaper. As I approached, he tilted his head down to look at something, giving me a prime look his balding pate. He's getting a lot of salt in there with the pepper, but that little "I'm not bald" tuft at the front is real, ladies. Clearly not plugs or a patch. A minute later, I look up, and there is Julie Andrews in her black Mercedes waiting for the light at San Vicente and Montana to change right in front of me. She was not singing along to the radio, which was a bit of a disappointment. Then, I stopped in to the NY Bagel Company, also on San Vicente and who was there but Tony Guma. No, we had never heard of him, either, until he started telling the person he was eating with about his big movie that he wrote and starred in alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt, Will Ferrell, and Ben Stiller, The Suburbans. I wouldn't ordinarily include him in our report, but he completed the Celebrity Watch Trifecta: a legend, a has-been, and a never-was. Only in Brentwood.

· So we're sitting in the Rainbow Room last week for a couple of pre-Metal Skool beers, and my friend gets all excited suddenly, telling me that Vincent D'Onofrio is sitting behind us. I turn around to discover it's actually Vincent Gallo, dining quietly and alone. I'm not sure why, but he kept looking over at our table - I think the cause was either my buddy's hot girlfriend, or maybe (admittedly justifiable) paranoia. He looks a bit like a hobo, which makes it all the more galling that he is probably sleeping with way hotter women than I am. Also saw Jessica Simpson there. You know, she is pretty fucking hot looking in an I'd-quite-like-to-choke-you kind of way. They tried to get her to sing some Whitesnake, but she didn't know the words. I don't blame her, I don't know the words to any Whitesnake either.

· 4/18/05, 8 pm - Stood next to James Spader and his wife at Al's News Stand on Beverly Dr. as they fondled each other and made fun of the celebs on the magazine covers. "Nothing ever changes!" scoffed James. Apparently not, since the way I recognized him was by his tired and true ensemble - glasses, scruffy hair, and navy jacket.

· Saw Patricia Clarkson at Greenblatt's. She was buying what looked like a case of wine or champagne, expensive. She was gabbing up the staff loudly, not like your typical shy famous (or, in this case, semi-famous, okay, maybe not famous at all – but she’s an Oscar nominee) person. She kept saying, “I have to walk back to the Chateau.” The Chateau meaning Chateau Marmont, which is about a quarter of a mile from Greenblatt’s – what, is she from New York? Doesn’t she know celebrities don’t walk anywhere in LA unless they’re working out? She appeared to be with a couple of dismissive assistant types who acted more famous than she did. She was rail thin, taller than expected and not as aged as she looks on film. She is much taller than you’d think and ghostly pale. There, more than you ever wanted to know about Patricia Clarkson.

· Wednesday night, La Scala in Beverly Hills. Saw Larry King with his amazon wife and their twins. Whom they were carrying, one each, even though the tots actually looked plenty old enough to walk on their own. How old are they now anyway? I have to eat at more hip places. I should be having better star sightings than Larry Frickin' King!

· Sunday night April 10th, sitting outside the Starbucks at Beverly Glen and Mulholland in Bel Aire...legendary aging hippie folkie singer songwriter Joni Mitchell, looking as if all the moisture had been wicked out of her face. She was sitting with another woman. I caught this snippet of conversation..."Peter Gabriel's music always has a fascinating energy vibe, don't you think?"

· Saw season-ticket holder Jason Bateman in his regular seats at the Dodgers' opening game. But the thrill of the day was when sister Justine came by and sat in the aisle next to big bro for several innings. Nice tat on the small of her back, too.

· i saw hilary duff and her good charlotte rocker (um, not so much) boyfriend at the grove today. they were shopping for clothes in nordstrom's with their tiny, tiny dog (who was dressed in a crazy pink doggy dress). hil was wearing a super short salmon-colored mini skirt with black suede high heeled boots. she was thin and pretty, and basically blended in nicely with the rest of the LA girls. joel (or is it benji?) was somewhat funny and was joking with my friend and i about how all the dog does is 'shit all day.' hillary laughed when she heard him say that and told him to shut up. ah, young love.

· Thursday lunchtime, Marmalade Cafe, The Grove: Wilmer Valderrama, being seated on the patio just as my dining companions and I were finishing up. I was three Sauvignon Blancs to the wind but I recognized him right away. Actually...everyone did. He was being SO OBVIOUS. Overdoing the "incognito" route with celeb glasses and a ski cap even though it was EIGHTY DEGREES OUTSIDE! His lunch partner was a normal looking girl, but also in ugly, oversized, Olsen Twin inspired sunglasses. Didn't recognize her. Wilmer noshing with a non-pro? Perish the thought!

· Funny how you go so long not seeing celebs and then you see a whole bunch at one time. Here are my sightings for this past weekend. JC Chasez and Eva Longoria looking cutesy together on Friday (4/15) afternoon at "Toast" on 3rd. Eva wasn't looking so tan. They left in a black Porsche. Gene Simmons and his son on Sat (4/16) going to and leaving Johnny Rockets on Melrose. His son is soooo skinny and tall. Nothing like what I would have expected. Then spotted them driving down Melrose in a black Navigator. Shamar Moore with two guys riding down Melrose in a vintage topless Jeep. (4/16) Jessica Simpson looking hot in a baseball cap with 3 of her hot gal friends at The Killers early Saturday (4/16) show. I had worked on her "Where you are" video as Nick's stand in so I had to say hello. She was really sweet and her friends were really nice too. I loved that she was chilling and having a good time with her friends and no bodyguards hovered over her.

· Mischa Barton and Brandon Davis eating brunch Sunday next to me at Barneys Greengrass. Ran into them again shopping on the mens floor. She was wearing plaid walking shorts and looked a little big in the toilet for a "skinny" 19 year-old. They were joined by the rest of the Davis clan (parents, etc.) who are fat, fat, fat...

· what might have been the greatest b (c?) list back to back to back sighting of all time... Surreal life sweethearts Peter Brady and american top model chick (Christopher Knight and Adrienne Curry) at fox sports bar at staples bar pre-gaming before u2 concert on april 6, Sandy Cohen (aka Peter Gallagher) rocking out with fam (alas, no Seth or Ryan) at the same U2 concert, and bachelor bob and soap opera wife on plane to Cabo .. good times all around

· Spotted the deliciously creepy Udo Kier at Sushi Kaiho in Silver Lake last night. He swept in, fixed everyone with his chilling gaze and then left with a companion. Vamptastic.

· I saw the tall hot-ish guy from American Idol (Constantine Maroulis) last night outside the Formosa café. He was with a hot-ish girl with a short skirt on and was helping some Japanese people who's car had broken down. Which means he's a helluva lot nicer than me, because I just walked right by.

· I was at the Sherman Oaks Street Fair in The Valley (yeah, so I'm a native Valley Boy, what of it?)... when my bud and I spot this teeny, trollish-looking, short-haired blond with gold Elvis glasses on and jeans cut so low you could see how muscular her uterus must be. We both joked that WHO would want to be a Pink wannabe — guess what? — it was she... with a standard-issue, stage-one tattooed "tough" dude and a poor bulldog who had to endure a stupid outfit she dressed it up in.

· On Palm Ave.. before it crosses Santa Monica and turns into Beverly Blvd. and who pulls up in a brand new purple Retro Chevy Truck but none other than Richard Simmons doing some kind of ode to Boy George dance at the wheel. Please put a spike in my head.

· I was just at the Grove and saw former jailbait hearthrob/New Kid on the Block, Joey MacIntrye shopping for storage solutions at Organized Living. I wonder if he's reorganizing all his old Bop's and Tiger Beat's. I like to think he is.

· Saw current "Bachelor" psycho and future frustrated 4100 bartender Sarah W. at (where else?) Runyon Canyon around 6:30 Friday evening. She looked pretty good in a "recognize me, please!" kind of way. Unfortunately, Jerry O'Connell's coattails were nowhere in sight, so neither was his brother and current "Bachelor" Charlie O'Connell.