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The box office numbers that haunt your Monday morning:

1. The Amityville Horror—$23.3 million
In the grand tradition of The Ring Two, Boogeyman, and Meet the Fockers, Amityville joins the list of execrable horror flicks studios have pooped out directly into first place opening weekends. Audiences seemed to eat up the idea of Ryan Reynolds becoming inhabited by a demon obsessed with displaying his shredded abs at every opportunity. Fun! What you should've seen: Kung Fu Hustle, even if that meant flying to NY or LA to atone for the sin of an Amityville ticket purchase.

2. Sahara—$13.1 million
Here's a little visualization exercise that will help you cope with Sahara's weekend box office: Picture every dollar of the gross as a grain of desert sand that Matthew McConaughey is forced to pick out of his ass crack. There, don't you feel better?

3. Fever Pitch—$8.8 million
The same visualization exercise may or may not work with Jimmy Fallon and blades of grass from the outfield at Fenway Park. Try it anyway.

4. Sin City—$6.7 million
We probably should've gotten over this a week ago, but... Dude! Bruce Willis totally ripped out that yellow guy's junk! So awesome!

5. Guess Who—$4.9 million
We're sad to report that the same junk-ripping visualization exercise will not result in the curtailing of Ashton Kutcher's movie career. Try it anyway.