The Agent Dance: Abdication Edition
We apologize to those of you who forwarded us copies of William Morris bigwig Steve "Ten Percent of the Reese Witherspoon Space" Dontanville's highly amusing e-mail announcing his retirement from The Life yesterday. Between the shockwaves at Universal and the shocking—shocking!—revelations about the disposition of a certain pop-star's uterus, we lost track of what's really important—properly chronicling the cute goodbye notes of an agent who's putting himself out to pasture. Here it is, and make sure you read through to the end.
To: All WMA Employees Worldwide
From: Steve Dontanville
Subject: The Old Queen Abdicates Her Throne
Please be aware that I have informed my colleague and good friend of 22 years, Jim Wiatt, that I will be retiring from the agency business when my contract expires at the end of June. Be assured that I will not be taking another agency position. The agent chapter of my life is closed, forever. I have had five splendid years at this company and I have made some remarkable friendships here as well. I intend to transition my clients into other agents' lives here. I will be coming to many of you for help with this matter.
I would greatly appreciate not being inundated with interoffice calls or office visits for the next three days so that I may personally inform all my clients. . I will not be diving into a new career immediately. I am taking a hiatus/sabbatical from the business for at least six restful, regenerative months. Soon, my only client will be "Princess Stefan D'Ontonville," and we all know what a demanding nightmare she is!
You now have two and half months to torture and humiliate me before I leave.
Don't let this once in a lifetime opportunity pass you by.
You heard the man: there's two-and-a-half months of making him run through the spank-tunnel to get his coffee, leaving prank messages that Tom Cruise is shopping for an agent, and leaving dead rent-boys in his office! Don't squander these last precious moments together.
