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The Associated Press, everyone's favorite daredevil wire service, attended Moby's W Hotel gig last night so you wouldn't have to:

"We're available for weddings and bar mitzvahs," he joked to the throng of fans clustered next to heat lamps and striped cabanas in the nippy Monday night air.

The one-time Eminem nemesis then became very serious as he continued, "No, really, we'll play your wedding or bar mitzvah or children's party if a bounce castle is too expensive, if you don't mind your special occasion being marred by pseudo-techno elevator music. Don't you see that we're playing a fucking hotel tour to plug my album Hotel, and that the hotels are also selling the record? Things are not good, people. Who does a guy have to fuck around here to get a lemon-grass smoothy and a plate of tofu?"