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· Today in Lohan: Is precious little Lindsay hooking up with Christian Slater, who happens to be almost twice her age? After the Bruce Willis rumors, can this get any more fucked up? [Lowdown]
· It may not be their own Newlyweds, but Britney and Kevin will have their own 6-part reality series on UPN. To document their love, yo. [MTV]
· Paris Hilton's cinematic masterpiece, One Night In Paris, may not yet be a classic, but it's still worth copying illegally and selling in the subways. [Page Six]
· Either Prince Rainier will wait until after the Monaco Grand Prix to die, or he's already dead. Shrug. [R&M (2nd item)]
· Jeb Bush appreciates Scientology, and not just for its gay-suffocating qualities! [Scoop]
· Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. [Page Six]