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Like manna from heaven, a press release has been issued "setting the record straight" regarding Kevin Federline's recent trip to Las Vegas and the VIP hostess, "Vanessa," who reportedly spent a lot of time on Mr. Spears' lap. We are thus enlightened: Kevin went to a lot of Vegas venues, "Vanessa" knows Kevin because of her ex-boyfriend Johnny, spelling and punctuation are for pussies, and Vegas has an untarnished image (oh, har har).

The release and its full explanation is available after the jump, for those of you interested in truly understanding this highly complex situation.

For Immediate Release
April 5, 2005
ROB TENCER PUBLIC RELATIONS

Britney's hubby's VIP Hostess Sets The Record Straight - EYE on Vegas World Exclusive

"Vanessa" Hulihan VIP Hostess in Las Vegas sets the record straight of what happened between her and Britney Spears husband Kevin Federline. The details appear in Tuesday April 5 edition of The Eye on Vegas, a publication emailed weekly by the offices of Las Vegas Food and Beverage Magazine, and by Publisher Michael Politz.

VANESSA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT

Tabloid and magazine news reporters assigned to chronicle the after-hours partying of Britney Spears' new husband, Kevin Federline converged on Vegas hotels and restaurants en masse this past weekend. Eye on Vegas publisher Michael Politz said : "In the interest of keeping Vegas' image intact, untarnished and accurate and because so many restaurants, nightclubs and lounges were getting Involved we wanted to set the record straight for our industry." Mr. Politz's interest in setting the record straight and of keeping Vegas' image intact and accurate was compromised when Tabloid Magazines' invaded Vegas Last weekend hunting for sightings of K-Fed. Reporters converged on The Hard Rock Hotel and The Palms Casino restaurant and nightclub outlets: N9NE SteakHouse, , Nobu, Body English, Ghostbar and then to Spearment Rhino and turning the restaurant industry into their playing field.

Vanessa States, "I know Kevin because my ex is Johnny Wright (Record Producer for N'Sync and Justin Timberlake)." Eye on Vegas makes no editorial comments and are just happy to ensure before you read inaccurate reports elsewhere this was the truth!

Thank God for the dilligent, if not dyslexic, pursuit of the truth!