You'd think that, in honor of the resurrection and all, T-Bro would bring out the big guns for last night's episode of Topic A. But you'd be wrong. Instead, she proclaimed Amanda Peet was "red-hot" and "young," referred to a child star as a "heartthrob," and dubs Carson Kressley as "the ultimate New York gay guy." (Breaking!) It was enough to make Henry the Intern switch the channel to The Ten Commandments. Thankfully, he endured the battle against boredom for his weekly report.

If there was ever a "Topic A" to miss, it was last night's episode. Poor Tina probably notched a scratch rating.

First, Tina sat on stage with Ben Stiller, Jeffrey Wright, and Amanda Peet, stars of Neil LaBute's "This Is How It Goes." Peet, "the red-hot young actress," giggled as she compared stepping-in for Marisa Tomei six days before the premiere to "jumping out of a plane." Stiller called the play "really intriguing" and "very invigorating." Wright hopes the show "challenges the audiences' take on race," especially white people. Tina, for her part, called the show "riveting."

Next, Danny Boyle, the director of "Millions" and "Trainspotting," spoke of parallels between "the vivid storytelling" of religion and screenwriting and suggested consumerism interferes with spirituality. On the subject of deep thought, Tina called child star Alexander Nathan Etel "a little heartthrob."

Then, Tina's interview with "Queen Bee" Atoosa Rubenstein, the editor of Seventeen magazine, went tit-for-tat:
Tina: "I am worried about the youth of America, whatever happened to sex, drugs, and rock and roll?"
'Toosa: "Teens are more and more embracing modesty."
Tina: "How fascinating." Does this sell?
'Toosa: "The media is a business... I don't see my child that way." (Child, I think, means her reader).
Tina: "How interesting." Christina Aguilera is less slutty now.
'Toosa: "Fashion is always cyclical... We're seeing more of that 'bohemian-peasant' look [now]... Paris Hilton is more of a cartoon character, almost really, like an Anime."
Tina: Why are kids religious?
'Toosa: "This generation of kids" saw 9/11 and "they saw the president lie."
Tina: Is this just in red states?
'Toosa: No, it's "across the board." And "it's not just about Christianity... it's about spirituality," including paganism and witchcraft. "Kids need something deeper."
Tina: So "this is an untapped market?"
'Toosa: "Oh, absolutely."

How slow is this show going? So painfully slow we must go meta with Carl Honore, author of In Praise of Slowness: How A Worldwide Movement Is Challenging the Cult of Speed. He began by foolishly saying "good morning" to Tina. Welcome to his therapy session: "I was stuck in fast-forward, I couldn't slow down." He was rushing through "what should have been the most relaxing, tender moments." Now it's Tina's turn: "Capitalism [is] super-turbo to make us all do more, do more, do more." Suddenly Tina transitioned, "let's talk about sex... 75% of American husbands take two minutes to come to orgasm." (Not Harry!) Then she asked Honore, "What happens at a Tantric [sex] workshop?" Snore...

The editors' desk roundtable — Air America honcho Danny Goldberg, Reverend Chloe Breyer, and The New Yorker's Peter Boyer — tried to make sense of the media's new love affair with religion. Boyer told Tina — as if she, of all people, didn't know — "What the media does is find out what the next hot thing is." Goldberg thought President Clinton was as religious as President Bush.

In an interlude, Tina called Carson Kressley "the ultimate New York gay guy." Is that supposed to be a compliment?

Hot picks
Boyer: The New Yorker's "Letter from Washington"
Breyer: A Testament of Hope by Martin Luther King Jr.
Goldberg: Bury the Chains by Adam Hochschild
Tina: "In the Footsteps of Tocqueville" by Bernard-Henri Levy in The Atlantic.

Closing quote by Woody Allen: "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."