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· Those aren't crickets you hear; it's the sound of Ben Widdicombe, who seems to have taken over the Daily News' gossip pages while Rush & Molloy are on vacation and Lloyd Grove is away doing God knows what (slipping Richard Leiby roofies, perhaps?). In addition to the requisite pervy Pat O'Brien coverage, he reports that Star Jones' matrimonial slave, Al Reynolds, has left his post at Merrill Lynch. [Gatecrasher]
· Lindsay Lohan, having made a speedy recovery from a production-halting sprained cankle, avoids the SNL after-party at Suede after she hears that ex-beau Wilmer Valderrama is there. Valderrama was reportedly surrounded by women even thinner and more beautiful than Lohan — impossible! [Page Six]
· There's only one hope for torn lovers Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards: the president. Daddy Martin Sheen is reportedly trying to "counsel" the two back into domestic bliss. [Scoop (last item)]
· American Idol dropout Mario Vazquez still forcing his career to rise, Jennifer Lopez still causing her career to fall. [Fox411]