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 The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue (currently residing in the finest nightstands across the heartland) has a nice little online feature, complete with handy-dandy pictures and bios of this year's models. Featured is Mallory Snyder, best known for slumming on The Real World: Paris, the Forgotten Season, who has turned her basic cable stint into a modeling career. But, unfortunately, Mallory doesn't have enormous breasts and Sports Illustrated knows it.

In an attempt to be "real," SI has kindly included a shot of Mallory's egregiously visible bra insert, erotically slipping out the bottom of her triangle top. Upon examining the left breast, we suspect that a strange piece of plastic may have been added to the top of her cleavage. (Disclaimer: Matt and I have been known to frolic in heavily padded bras and bikinis, so we understand — but we wouldn't want our push-up tools to be prominently featured in a photo shoot.) And if what we're scrutinizing is actually Mallory's natural curvature, then girlfriend has some shaping issues and we're sorry.

While we really appreciate Sports Illustrated's honesty, this whole thing strikes us as an egregious attempt to ruin the masturbatory fantasies of prepubescent boys across the globe. Which is just cruel.
Mallory Snyder [Sports Illustrated]