Jerry Oppenheimer, You Have Our Heart
We may have spent a good part of yesterday focusing on Kevin Federlust, but the heart is unpredictable and today we've fallen for another man. Jerry Oppenheimer, who already earned our admiration with his brilliant Anna Wintour biography Front Row, has earned our loins' favor with his two-day stint over at The Black Table. He might not be hot in the filthy way that Federline is, but we love him for his mind, you shallow assholes. In recounting the juiciest bits from his storied collection of unauthorized biographies, Oppenheimer reveals that Barbara Walters might be a bit of a racist, Rock Hudson continued to sleep around after he was diagnosed as HIV-positive, Martha Stewart threw nude pool parties, and Hillary Clinton like the phrase, "fucking Jew bastard." (In Hillary's defense, we frequently refer to ourselves with the same epithets.) The only disappointment is that Oppenheimer still won't reveal the details of the Jerry Seinfeld goat-fucking incident, but we're sure he'll put out by the fourth date.
Tell All King Drops The Bomb On Everyone, Parts One And Two [Black Table]