This image was lost some time after publication.

Let it never be said that Michelle Malkin isn't one of those "cool moms"—you know, like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.

In her syndicated column today, Malkin proves she's, like, totally with it, scratching out some loosely-structured thoughts on the 'latest' youth craze: secret cutting.

Here's what Malkin wrote as her trusty Red Roomba buzzed around the floor of her home office:

Have you heard of "cutting"? If you're a parent, you'd better read up. "Cutting" refers to self-mutilation — using knives, razor blades or even safety pins to deliberately harm one's own body — and it's spreading to a school near you.

Actresses Angelina Jolie and Christina Ricci did it. So did Courtney Love and the late Princess Diana. On the Internet, there are scores of websites (with titles such as "Blood Red," "Razor Blade Kisses" and "The Cutting World") featuring "famous self-injurers," photos of teenagers' self-inflicted wounds and descriptions of their techniques. The destructive practice has been depicted in films targeting young girls and teens (such as "Thirteen"). There is even a new genre of music — "emo" — associated with promoting the cutting culture.

Man, we had no idea emo music promoted cutting: all this time we thought it promoted guys who are sissies.

So, kids: meanie Malkin spilled the beans on your favorite secret pastime. Now you gotta find a new way to express your rage at your parents. We suggest voting Democrat and supporting immigrants' rights: that'll push Malkin's moral panic up to code red.

The new youth craze: Self-mutilation [Townhall]

[Cuts aren't just for kids! Image via Children's Costumes]