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· Danielle Scott, a woman whose sole dream is to see her name in boldface, claims she was punched in the face by "Whatever" boy Fabian Basabe after a drink-spilling scuffle at Marquee. Fabian issues his standard denials and we're inclined to believe him — he seems more like a hair-puller than a puncher. [Page Six]
· Macaulay Culkin and Hank Azaria are both still alive and quite possibly enjoying the art of illegal gambling. [Lowdown]
· Guns n' Roses guitarist Slash has lost his signature top hat to the hands of a thief. First Paris, now this — when will we learn to treat our D-listers with respect? [Page Six]
· Lyle Lovett got a tour of the Federal Air Marshal training facility, so everyone should feel really, really safe. [R&M]