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Because it's the Friday before a three-day weekend and we're feeling generous, we thought we'd dust off a feature we haven't done in a long time, the Defamer Blind Item. Item difficulty: 7 out of 10, where 1 is "mind-bendingly difficult" and 10 is "any attempt to figure it out will result in an aneurysm."

WHICH desperate, fire-haired, television suburbanite will be gracing the cover of The Advocate next week, after a busy period denying rumors that she has a preference for female genitalia over the male variety?

You heard it here first!