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We'd make a joke about how the Church of Scientology has obviously killed Jenna Elfman's publicist, allowing her to spread the "tech" far and wide, but 1) the following excerpt came from Celebrity, the in-flight magazine of L. Ron Hubbard's mother ship, and 2) actresses that work as often as Vulcans mate don't work don't have publicists, silly!

“I intend to make Scientology as accessible to as many people as I can. And that is my goal,” Elfman said. To do this, she says, it is my “duty to clear the planet.” By “clearing” she means to rid the world of “body thetans” — aliens who Scientologists believe inhabit the earth from a nuclear explosion 75 million years ago. She continued that “the more successful I became, the more suppression I bumped into … especially in the entertainment industry, which really is home to rabid suppression.”

Wow, we're glad that they clarified that bit about "clearing the planet." For a minute there, we were headed into the root cellar with a year's supply of canned pears and Kabbalah water, where we'd wait out the bloody, Elfman-led genocidal purge of Hollywood. Luckily for all of us, it seems that Elfman's apocalyptic wrath will be directed solely at the agents and casting directors who are "rabidly suppressing" her. Whew, that was a close one! We fucking hate canned pears.