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"Like, ohmigod, it's that dude who's sometimes fucking Ashlee Simpson!"

Ryan Cabrera's Guide To Being Super-Famous
 1. Sacrifice your body as Ashlee Simpson's "boyfriend" so you can be on MTV. Slyly promote album when cameras are rolling.
2. Party at the University of Connecticut's Delta Zeta sorority house.
3. Declare your autograph the new lower-back tattoo.
4. Crash on futon.

Ryan Cabrera [MTV]
[images via]