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Now that Corey Feldman's been subpoened to testify in the Michael Jackson Trial of the Century, the big cockteases over at ABC News have finally given up some of the goods from the former child actor/Neverland survivor's interview airing on 20/20. We can all skip it; as we feared, among the shocking revelations from Feldman's televised chat is the deflating assurance that Jackson kept his Moonwalker inside his sequined pants:

Feldman stressed in his interview with Bashir that Jackson never molested him or touched him improperly and that there was no sexual contact between them. But he said he has re-evaluated his friendship with Jackson and has concluded that there were things that happened in their relationship that were inappropriate and wrong.

Things? What kind of things? Celebrity Justice has a 1993 audio interview with police in which Feldman swore up and down that Jackson's sparkly glove never wandered close to his naughty places:

"We stayed up all night and talked and did stuff and we prayed together before we went to sleep and he was wearing his pajamas. And I was wearing my pajamas!"

Corey also relates how, "We took a Jacuzzi, we talked, nothing happened."

See? It was just your typical, wholesome, non-molesty night of prayer, a semi-nude soak in a Jacuzzi, and an all-night chat with a guy that tried to buy the Elephant Man's bones. What could be more innocent and normal than that?