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A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity has presented itself, as curiously hacky director Brett Ratner takes a short break from his blockbuster feature career to once again ply his trade on the small screen. You, the SAG-card- wielding Hollywood hopeful, can work with a visionary in the medium that most fully exploits his cinematic gifts—that is, if your headshot passes the grueling "Ratner test":

Mariah Carey Music Video - Brett Ratner Hey, folks! We're looking for upscale wedding guests and high rolling party guests with your own upscale wardrobe (tuxedos, black ties, sexy gowns, rhinestone formals). These people are good looking model types. Tall and thin types, please, with a more urban, hip, edgy ethnic diversity. Mixed cultures, but with attitude. This is an exclusive, good-looking event. Ages 20-45. This pays $150/12 and shoots this Wednesday through Friday (any one of these days). Submit photos and we'll call you if Brett Ratner likes your look. Good luck!

Since we've already expended today's quota for "hack directors like to make things explode" jokes on a lesser light [Ed.note—Always ration those in case of Ratner news, rookie.], we'll simply wish good luck to all of our qualifying tall/thin/hip/edgy/ethnically-diverse/mixed-culture-but-with-attitude/good-looking readers in obtaining work with a true legend. And if you don't make the cut, well, you should've gone up to a D-cup. You'll get 'em next time.