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· It's been far too long since designer Karl Lagerfeld said something crazy, don't you think? The Express of London reports that he's called Nicole Kidman's body bizarre. Which would make your body utterly reprehensible, dear reader, and we don't know how you can leave the house looking like that. [Scoop]
· There's trouble in paradise on the set of Lindsay Lohan's new film Just My Luck, as "people who know" claim the actress is showing up to set late after spending her evenings out at New Orleans college bars. To which we say, like, duh. [Page Six]
· Oh, Simon Cowell, you silly bastard. The American Idol judge was overheard on his cell phone bemoaning the Idol contestants as "Usher wannabes" and claiming Kelly Clarkson was the only one with any real talent. We anticipate the Claymates are mobilizing their effeminate army at this very minute. [Page Six]
· Snoop Dogg will host this weekend's "Snooper Bowl," a charity concert and youth football game. Just because you're balancing nasty gang rape charges doesn't mean you can't do your charity work for children, right? [Lowdown]
· Real estate widow Leona Helmsley reportedly communicates with her dead husband Harry through her pocket-sized Maltese, Trouble. Ah, now it all makes sense! No, wait, it doesn't. [R&M]