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It seems our suggestion that everyone flock to the halls of Glamour magazine for their "find a perfect swimsuit" fitting and bonus body fat analysis extravaganza has done little to help our girls in the house of Cond :

From: [redacted]
Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005
To: [redacted Cond s]
Subject: Help

I am still looking for women to try on swimsuits for fit. I promise to find your perfect suit and you will not be in the magazine. Today are my fittings so please email me especially if you want to conceal your tummy or are somewhat boy shaped (I have suits that will make you look curvier). Thank you sooooooooo much for getting back to me.

Well, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's the thought of a girly-mag in crisis. I had to do something!

From: Jessica @ Gawker
Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005
To: [redacted]
Subject: RE: Glamour Swimsuits, for attribution

Hi: I'm Jessica, one of the editors over at Gawker. We've been hearing a lot about your swimsuit fittings (as a former beach-going Los Angeleno, I've always found your guides rather helpful for finding the best of each season's bikinis) and, most recently, it's come to
our attention that you're in dire need of boy-shaped bodies.

I didn't really know if I qualified, so I Googled "boy-shaped body" and found that it means there's not much different between one's chest and hip measurement, like a waifish model. I wouldn't call myself waifish, but I am petite and not particularly curvy unless I wear a heavily-padded bra. So maybe I can help? I mean, you airbrush dimpled thighs and stuff, right? If not, we have lots of pretty boys working here at Gawker, and I can guarantee their bodies are most definitely "boy-shaped."

Let me know!

An interested Glamourbot quickly responded, but as soon as I said I was game—so long as I could report on my experience—she had found three other women applicants with my "body type." Sigh. I knew I was too fat to ever amount to anything.