This just landed in the inbox and, well, it pulls at our crusty heartstrings. Please read and, if you know how to help this poor reader find Mr. Cond Nast, let us know and we'll put him in touch.

Hi. somewhere in you site I found some references to conde nast. I have been on the trail of this mysterious group for some time now. Who are they? What do they do, and why do they seem to think they own London? All i know is that they have now seemed to have moved on from only writing about themselves, to writing about writing about themselves. my friends tell me there has been some tidal issues in India, where as i only have knowledge that Toby Young has a zingy opinion on what it's like to be Toby Young I don't know who he is!!! But i have an overwhelming desire to run him over in a large car.

After the jump, more Cond confusion and tips for analyzing the cocaine trade in London.

It is said that the price of cocaine in london can be gauged simply from one's armchair. See how many adverts on tv are set in offices (or better still, advertising agencies)If it is more than one would find reasonable (like 8 out of fucking ten), then MAN CHARLIE IS CHEAP!!!! It follows,then, that the more of the london evening standard's column inches are devoted to it's owners employees and their friends and anything they've been paid to harp on about (step forward Toby!) then dirt cheap coke is what these twats are interested in. not news that's for sure.

How did this happen? Is there a mr conde nast i could address my concerns to? oh, and lay off my good prince harry. he was only wearing his national dress. and we're only bothered cause his freeloading mum ensured his famousity by taking her seatbelt off to powder her nose.

oops! there it is again!
luv [redacted], London.