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In this week's edition of our analysis of New York mag's Look Book, intern Alexis assembles a panel to drop some science on fashion designer Oleg Cassini (so much for pulling a random dude off the street, eh?). Oleg is positively kicking ass his 91 years, and panelists Matthew Peabody, Anna Jane Grossman, and Alex Pasternack think the man is one iPod short of total elderly domination. Their take on Oleg's style after the jump.



Matthew Peabody, advertising whore
 Why do we want Oleg Cassini to be our grandpa?

No offense to my grandfather and pretty much all other grandfathers, but I am certain that men over 65 stop wearing jeans altogether; they usually begin to rock solid-color pleated pants that, for some reason, cannot be found in stores (I believe they may be issued via US mail once one files for social security). Not only does Oleg don denim, it's friggin' custom-made - by himself! Obvs, I can appreciate this more than most people because I am extremely self-obsessed, and have a tendency to design my own clothes.

Why is it okay for a fashion designer to dress like a baseball lovin , blue-collar, Bronx boy?

It's actually not okay, but Mr. Cassini is 91 so he can do just about whatever the eff he wants. And I'm sorry, but it's unfair to refer to this as a blue collar look. Blue-collar folk don't wear Tanino Crisci (Gucci maybe) and have "shoe fetishes." Blue-collar folk drink 22's of Bud and have "midget pornography fetishes." Not that there's anything wrong with midget pornography. Strike that; everything's wrong with midget pornography.

Mr. Cassini looks very, very good for his 91 years. But what else do you suggest we do to make him look even younger, hotter, and hipper?

I actually get this question often, because I look as though I am fresh out of the womb, yet am pushing 30. Answer? Lots and lots of blow. While studies may state that cocaine is generally not good for you, it can actually knock a good ten, twenty years off of your life. Mix that with a little Levitra (you know he's popping that stuff like Peabs pops klonopin), and suddenly he's making Paul Newman look like Julie Newmar.

Anna Jane Grossman, New York Post reporter and co-founder of Breakupnews

Why do we want Oleg Cassini to be our grandpa?

He IS my grandpa. His actual name is Oleg Grossman, but they changed it at Ellis Island because it wasn't ethnic enough. Besides fine leather and horseback riding, he also has a great fondness for pickled herring.

Why is it okay for a fashion designer to dress like a baseball lovin', blue-collar, Bronx boy?

You know what? The man is 91! I think it's "okay" for him to dress however the hell he wants. Let's just be glad he's wearing clothes at all.

Mr. Cassini looks very, very good for his 91 years. But what else do you suggest we do to make him look even younger?

Get the man an iPod...and a date with Ashton Kutcher.

Alex Pasternack, Harvard student

Why do we want Oleg Cassini to be our grandpa?

Ninety-one years old and a notarized document with our name on it is only months away from a closet full of Camelotean wonders and enough tasseled shiny leather to make a West Village stripper blush. And, ahem, need I mention Pimms-soaked escapades chasing zebras around the estate in a golf cart tricked out with spinning platinum hubcaps?

Why is it okay for a fashion designer to dress like a baseball lovin', blue-collar, Bronx boy?

Why is it okay for a Roman god to dress like a bread-and-circus lovin', hut-bound plebian? Forget the performance theory and pomo excuses, this is just a case of snooty Italian man's burden. He knows he'll never be able to rhyme capische with quiche, or ask for a chicken parm at Dominick's. A life of panini over pizza, Arthur Ashe over Arthur Ave has made grandpa Oleg desperate to get in touch with his goombah roots. We can almost picture him narrowing his eyes at the interviewer: "There I will refuse to play ball with you. I just think about what I like: style, fit, quality."

But let's cut him some slack, eh pal? He is simultaneously 91 years old and a famous fashion designer, making him both impervious to critics and brilliant. Thus, he can love animals while collecting horse-skin boots just for the hell of it, claim that keeping one's head warm helps one stay in good shape, and say things like, "I can afford to have the most stylish clothes because I am slim!" Che vero!

Mr. Cassini looks very, very good for his 91 years. But what else do you suggest we do to make him look even younger, hotter, and hipper?

There's only one way to go from here: I'm thinking velcro New Balances, a walker, sweat pants, and a pair of those huge cataract sunglasses. So hot right now. Maybe a quad bypass or two. Oh, and one of those black U2 iPods, with a leather carrying case of course.