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Your devoted and talented Defamer editor, Mark Lisanti, will be "on vacation" this week. (Incidentally, Mark writes this site all by himself, for those of you who think there's a team of crackheads over here at Defamer HQ. Nay! Mark does all the crack by himself! That's why his publicist would like you to know he is suffering from "exhaustion." Just like Whitney and Lil' Lohan! So fancy!) Anyway, I'm Choire Sicha, and I'll be filling in for him as we all vaguely pretend to work throughout this unholy week.

Let's get one thing out of the way: yes, I do live in New York City. But wait, I have Hollywood cred! Once upon a time, I lived at Yucca and Cherokee, just off Hollywood Boulevard. I even worked on Melrose Place as one of the army of youngsters steaming lattes for a then-employable Katey Sagal, and for Nicolas Cage and his post-Arquette parade of she-whores. (Well yes, this was, like, 1989.) Ah, heady times, back when little Brad Pitt was still working on his abs, a few years away from stardom.

Uh, okay, I don't have much more Hollywood cred than that. Oh, except I fucked David Geffen. Wait, I'm kidding! Really, David Geffen fucked me... just like he does everyone else.