Last night, Henry the Intern almost didn't make his scheduled exploration of Tina Brown's intellectual swamp because of some sort of "family gathering." Obviously, if you're a Gawker intern, this sort of family crap is an unacceptable excuse, so we sent our Hungarian negotiators over to Henry's place to "talk" with his parents. Funny: after a mere 10 minutes alone with our people, Henry's family allowed him to catch up on his quality T-Bro time. And it's a good thing, too, as this week Tina welcomed the triumphant return of serial slapper Stanley Crouch and plays Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Henry's report after the jump.

Tina called on former Mayor Ed Koch to explain the fall of Bernard Kerik. Koch said he had been skeptical of Kerik for years: "Bernie Kerik didn't go to college" and a G.E.D. "should not qualify you to be police commissioner." Koch added, "He can be a charming guy, but he's not up to this job in my particular judgment." Tina asked if this is a flash of the pre-9/11 Rudy Giuliani, who she dubbed "Mr. 9/11." Koch suspects there were other "cronies" employed by Giuliani and said of the former mayor, "He is not a racist... he is nasty to everybody."

Next, Tina sat down with "Phantom of the Opera" director Joel Schumacher and leather-clad writer/composer Andrew Lloyd Webber. They agreed on everything and spoke as one: "It was just us. . . we were like the kids in the candy store." Tina called it a "fabulous movie, a glorious night out."

Because there isn't an overlap in New York Times readers and "Topic [A]" viewers, Tina tapped columnist Nicholas Kristof to distill everyone's favorite Russian, Vladimir Putin. Kristof deconstructed Putin's goals for a "free market" where "he controls the business interests, one in which there is no free media" and "everybody would bow before him." Kristof said in Russia there is a "deep yearning" for strong leadership and economic growth and voters picked "hope over experience" in choosing Putin.

Although it can be sad to see Tina reduced to visiting b-list celebs on their promotional tours, at least she picks the articulate ones. For example, Kevin Bacon, star of "The Woodsman." Bacon thought "the struggle of this guy who is trying to get well and pull himself together is compelling," though he didn't feel the need to spend time with real pedophiles for character development. He shared some marriage advice: "Everybody's got secrets. I don't care how long you've been married, you've got to hold on to something." Might he be a fan of "Desperate Housewives?" Tina thought the film was "incredibly powerful."

The editor's roundtable reunited the all-stars: NYT's David Carr, Vanity Fair's James Wolcott, comedienne Jessi Klein, and NYDN's Stanley Crouch (Tina: "I have missed you, Stanley"). Wolcott was engrossed by the Kerik saga and wished for more details. Carr thought Giuliani "had to know" about Kerik's troubles and perhaps believed he could get Kerik in anyway. Crouch guessed Kerik conned Giuliani, who think he's never conned, and President Bush, who is always conned. Klein joked that Kerik would have made a superior Homeland Security director considering he tracked down his lovers. Tina jabbed, "Some say Judith Regan is a terrorist." Carr noted Kerik "has been ghosted" at the NY Post, which "looks paralyzed." Added Tina, "Normally they would have been all over this story like a cheap suit."

Hot picks
Carr: "The Woodsman." Carr: "He managed to humanize the guy... it's quite shocking." Tina: "It's blow-away good."
Wolcott: Clint Eastwood's "Million Dollar Baby"
Klein: gift certificates
Crouch: JerryJazzMusician.com
Tina: "Lemony Snickers," even though "my daughter was called back three times for the part of Violet."

IWantMedia.com's Media Person of the Year
 Matching Time in picking the least creative choice, Tina announced that IWantMedia selected Jon Stewart as the Media Person of the 2004 (except they spelled it John). Howard Stern was the first runner up; Karl Rove came in third. Tina choose Edward Pitts, the "resourceful reporter" who planted the question for Secretary Rumsfeld about armor (nor is he a New Yorker). Wolcott preferred F.C.C. Chairman Michael Powell.

Closing quote by T.S. Eliot: "For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning."